I schedule from the time I get up in the morning to the time I fall asleep at night. I allot for screwing around time, tv time, how much reading I'm going to get done, what phones calls I need to make, what errands I need to run, who I need to see, what shifts I need to work, and what will most probably come up along the way. I take into account the plans for the rest of the week, what I can push back, wait on, reschedule; the other people it will impact, influence, or demand. I plot out the most efficient routes to each destination, taking into account the time driving will take, what each task will require (both physically and emotionally), and I do as little futile work as possible. In short, I plan to do, and do a lot. Normally I am very successful in these endeavors.
He is easy going. It's relaxing to be around someone for whom time truly is secondary. There are things to be done, but he does or doesn't get to them when things fall into place. People more or less will either work around where he is or he can simply do without. They will, or won't, show up for trips that he takes across the state on the spur of the moment, and when six hours later he is late for a completely different engagement three or more hours from home, he adjusts to it as a fact of life. There is no dwelling, no worrying, no anger about the waste of time. He merely accepts each moment and situation as they come without actively trying to force his will on the peoples or objects in his life.
Honestly, I really do think both of us have something amazing in how we deal with the world. If we could find a way to make it click and bring the best of both worlds into our lives I think it would be magic. Mostly its just a frustrating train wreck trying to learn though. Relationships are painful learning experiences which make future days easier, more wonderful, and give us a foundation to build on. Today, that sucks a little though.
If things had gone different, if I had known that I wouldn't be seeing him until more like 10pm today I would have:
Gotten up and gone to breakfast with Kristy at 9:30am
-I turned down the invite at 11 pm last night when I still didn't know if I would be seeing him late that evening or early the next morning. (He told me at 2:30am I should go to breakfast because he would be in Newago on a photo shoot in the afternoon. Later at 4:40am said that the shoot was off and he'd talk to me in the morning.)
Made plans to have my sister color/cut my hair at my moms while she did mom and grandma's
- I turned down that invite on Friday because he told me we would be seeing each other on Sunday and I didn't know when that meant (in the past anything from very early in the morning to very late at night and anywhere in between)
After that I would have gone to the store and bought food, travel stuff, and turbo tax
-At 2:30 pm today he told me that he had some errands to run and we would see a movie when he finished.
Once that was finished I could have worked on my dress. Which I would have been more likely to do because I had already been productive. Or pushed though more reading. Worked on some of my art projects. Cleaned the house. Done laundry.
-I heard from him at 6:30pm. He asked what movie I might want to see.
-At 6:40 I asked if that meant he wanted to go "soon". He said he still needed to stop at his moms. What time did the movie we were looking at see start? 7:10 (not going to make it) and 9:50pm.
There goes getting to sleep at a reasonable hour for work tomorrow. There goes a whole day of barely getting things done and waiting for someone else. There goes wasted time, wasted life, wasted worth. I wasn't me today, because I was put on hold. I don't know how to make it work. What is the compromise between allowing him room to be comfortable and relaxed and stress free and letting me be productive, effective, and purposeful?
It's just a bump along the way to better things, just something to iron out to make us stronger, but today it feels like it's taking a lot out of me. This doing nothing pressing against my temples and makes everything inside feel too tight.
