Life as Game

I've been reading Reality Is Broken. For gamers this book is pretty rockin' but it is also pretty cool for those of us not immersed in the game culture. What I like about it is this idea of structuring reality in a way that intentionally sets goals and challenges in achievable ways. It's designed for social play and it makes doing hard work fun. Those are the selling points of all game play. Do hard work that you can see results in and enjoy it. So I decided to try and take a cue from them and build my life into a game. It isn't a great one, mostly because I'm the only one playing and don't have anyone else to play along with or compare points to, the social and community element is missing, but i'm still hoping it will encourage me to reach for regular goals.

Here's how I broke my life up, some of my regular goals, some things I normal accomplish with varied success and somethings I imagine mostly impossible. Hopefully as I go I can make adjustments while I learn. I'm also aiming to want to beat each weeks points the longer I play. I'm hoping that it will be a better way to live. If nothing else it's helped me visualize my goals and attach a difficulty level to each. So it was worth it, regardless of how it turns out.

Life of Game

Object: To live a more social, successful, structured, goal oriented life, thereby achieving happiness.

Rules: Points are gained in four main categories: FINANCIAL, SOCIAL, DOMESTIC, AND CREATIVE. These are scored based on difficulty level. Points can be removed on grounds of CONSISTANT NEGATIVE ATTITUDES, POOR PHYSICAL CARE, and ANTISOCIAL BEHAVOIR.

Gaining Points:

FINANCIAL:

Pay all bills for the week on time +1

Pay all bills for the month on time +1

Have no debit card rejections +1

Set up direct deposit +2

Set up an appointment for budget meeting +2

Set up all major bills to automatically withdraw from primary account +2

Set aside money for new car weekly +3

Set aside money for student loans weekly +3

Live according to budget weekly +3

Live under budget +4

Tithe to a local church or nonprofit +4

Make payments on new car +4

Make payments on student loans +4

Save for future +4

Cut coupons +1

Shop at Savealot, dollar store, Aldis +1

Find a cultural or social event that’s free +2

Find a cultural or social event under $10 +1

Save and return pop cans +1

SOCIAL:

Call a parent once a week +1

Call a friend once a week (to ask about them) +1

Set aside time to just listen to someone +1

Invite someone out to eat or to a cultural event +1

Make some laugh +1

Compliment someone +1

Talk to a stranger +2

Invite someone to my house +2

Cook for someone +2

Help someone with a project, work, or task +2

Participate in something someone invites me to +2

Research volunteering +2

Talk to a guy for a full conversation +3

Host a dinner party, game night, book club +3

Go out alone and meet a new person +3

Set up meetings to volunteer +3

Dance with a stranger +3

Give a guy my phone number +4

Invite a stranger to do something else with me +4

Volunteer +4

Go on a date +4

Commit to a month or more of regular service to something

DOMESTIC

Dishes +1

Clean Bathroom +1

Vacuum +1

Water plants +1

Dust +2

Clean, fold, laundry +2

Stocked fridge, freezer, pantry +2

Clean bedroom +2

Organize one “trouble spot” +2

Clean car +2

Cook a new dish +3

Work on sewing, knitting, or something decorative that improves the home +3

Finding a refurnishing items for my apartment +4

Creating a “happier” environment +4

Building long term home supplies +4

CREATIVITY:

Thumb nail sketching +1

Journaling +1

Taking pictures +1

Designing outfits to sew +1

Meal plans +1

Reading +1

Posting on life asylum +2

Full page sketches to be developed +2

Viewing, commenting on, interacting with others arts/art community +2

Researching painting styles, publishers, or art events +2

Attending art events +2

Writing full length short stories, plays, essays +2

Cooking new dishes +2

Sending my art to others +3

Participating in writing groups +3

Completing full canvas paintings +3

Learning new mediums +3

Working with Photoshop +3

Creating a themed dinner party for guests +3

Submitting my writing to a publisher +4

Entering a painting in a competition or for viewing +4

Auditioning for a part +4

Completing related group of paintings over several canvas’ +4

Losing Points:

CONSISTANT NEGATIVE EMOTIONS/ANTISOCIAL BEHAVOIR:

Allowing myself to dwell on past and/or future -1

Dwelling on jealousy -1

Self pity -1

Unkind words to others -2

Time spent in fantasy worlds -2

Unkind thoughts to/remarks about others -2

Excess time on social networking feeds -2

Outbursts of anger -3

Shouting at others -3

Intentional malice and harm -3

Choosing not to use tools such as meditation, positive thinking, and the resources of others to let go of poor attitudes -3

Violence -4

Lies -4

Destruction of property -4

Threats -4

Gossiping -4

POOR PERSONAL CARE:

Heavy caffeine use -1

Poor nutrition -1

Poor sleeping habits -1

Avoiding physical activity -1

Extensive time alone -2

Regular drinking -2

Excessive tv or films -2

Drunkenness -3

Smoking -3

Feelin' Tonight

I don't want their stories. My love story isn't theirs, my career isn't theirs, my path isn't theirs. I don't want their stories, I just want mine to move.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Officially I am not an addict. This is because I have cleverly avoided the things that people notice others being addicted to, such as booze, smokes, drugs, video games, sex, rpg, online forums, gambling, etc. Not that I've never done "x" from said list, just that I am very careful with those types of things. I'm careful because I am in fact an addict.

Obsessive.

And I've been trying to let go of my white whales. Because I've really been coming to terms with the dangers of whaling. Did you realize they get in these tiny little row boats with pointy sticks and chase something so large that even when it's dead it nearly flips the ship over when tied to it? Stupid.

So, trying to live in the moment, God give me serenity to let go. And in failing to give me serenity, pry my hands off these lifeless corps' of whales so I don't sink the whole ship. Let's live in the now.

Cocktails and Broken Hearts- Jack Vettriano

December

I missed November. I have been posting once a month (if that) for ages. I am a blogging slacker. I'm also in a goal setting mood tonight. So I am going to try to write more often.

Review Wicked:

Last night I went with a coworker to see Wicked. It's an off Broadway musical being performed in the Miller Auditorium from December 1-12. We took a gamble and made the drive without tickets assuming that half way through the run time, on a Wednesday night, the crowd would be light. We were wrong.

The show opened at just a little after 7:30. Having read the first two books in the Wicked trilogy and heard many of the songs from the soundtrack a few years prior I was familiar with the story. Within the first song, I was impressed with the content expressed both in song and the dance. The set was unbelievable. Even from the grand tier, where we were seated, the richness of everything sparkled through.

The two songs which made the greatest impression on me were the songs "Popular," done my Galinda and "Wonderful," performed by the Wizard. Both songs dealt with the topic of image and how a person can create an image for themselves as well as how public opinion can create a person. They were humorous, often causing a roar of laughter to catch through the crowd. The cast felt as though they enjoyed themselves and the audience was thrilled to be let in on all the fun of learning how to toss their hair. "Toss, toss, heeheeeheee."

The show is a treasure both visually and in content. If you have the chance, take a whirl of an adventure and try to get tickets for yourself.

How To Be Alone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Kiss Me There

The first challenge is the desert. Narcissism, vanity, show, pride, oblivion, self interest, selfishness, unseeing and uninterested eyes. Overcome the vast miles of nothingness that dismisses him as he travels them. He must be willing to look through empty sands that say, “We care nothing for you, if you come or if you stay at home. This place was not built for you, this place was built for me and me alone. Your comfort and ease is not a consideration, the challenge was not placed here for you to endure. This space will go one being what it is as though you never were.” First he must travel through and believe there is something. I want him to kiss me there.

Once the deserts have ended there are the gates. Walls of fire, rage, hostility, violence, and death. Here he must past through, fight, bloody himself in my furry, here he must show strength, tenacity, endurance, and power. I will breathe fire, from my heart spears will pierce him ever time he reaches for me, my fingers will pull the trigger time and time again. He is my enemy, a danger to the perimeter of my world, a threat to all that is me. At the gates he must hold his ground and in my fierce rage I want him to kiss me there.

Beyond the gates lie a garden. Always spring, everything is fresh, fragile, and new. My insecurities dash about like rabbits, my fears, anxieties, and hopes tremble at the rawness and vulnerability. In this place he must watch his boots very closely, each leaf, every blade of grass must be handle with care, dedication, and utmost devotion or all will die. Even in his weary, wounded state not a single drop of blood may spill on the soil here. The innocence is to be preserved. In my gardens of inexperience, I want him to kiss me there.

Coming in from the garden he will wait in the library. Each wall filled, ceiling to floor, rows and aisle of books. The texts are filled with stories from my life, memories, histories, legends, and myths. There lie the building blocks, each text book I’ve studied, theory I’ve pondered, scene I’ve seen acted out scrawled on the pages. Handwritten, typed, penciled, bookmarked, the files are listed of my family history, dating back through my genetic make up centuries ago. Every scrap of paper I’ve scribbled on, the nonsense, the profound, the childish, the games, the reminders, the shame, and the pride. Every moment of education, culture, and understanding. He must know them all. Every line. He must contend with them, trade them for his, deposit his wealth of books and know how they merge to form one beautiful body of works. In every text, line, and word I want him to kiss me there.

With this new found knowledge perhaps he will want to step outside. Open the backdoor and there is a spinning colliding mass of space. Darkness and light spiraling wildly about. Here is God. My personal God. He must open the door and meet the chaos and logic of my God. As he steps out back to breath deep he must gather the complete and total size and complexity as well as the simplicity and beauty of my God. The breath of relaxation should become a gasp of awe. In that moment he must understand all of my faith, fears, and struggles with this deity. The massive mess and lengthy saga that has spread its way through my life, swallowing my being whole just as the back yard threatens to swallow the entire castle. He must understand, he must fail to understand, he must be inspired and dreading and worshiping and fleeing and he must bring his very own saga into that moment. To this God he brings the deserts from which he entered, the fires at the gates, the tenderness of the garden, and the knowledge of the library, as his very own. In this moment he asks for help. At the feet of God I want him to kiss me there.

When he gently shuts the door behind him he should walk into the living room. Here we will sit, recline, and be still on the sofa. The doors will close, silence will trap us, lock us in, being to suffocate me. No words will be spoken and time will pass slowly. Shrieks, sobs, and anguish will emanate from me while I battle my own demons in this stillness. Terrors will pass my face and body from places no knowledge or understanding can reach. Nothing will bring him into these battles, these silent horrifying battles of the soul. In these moments he will battle his own helplessness, a sense of futility, the pain of watching a loved one suffer while immobilized. His mettle will be tested in staying, remaining immobile, not lashing out while the doors stay locked. Instead he will hold a struggling body, pray for the ravaged mind, encourage in everyway possible and at the end he will not bare the grudge of having seen such a time. In those moments of darkness, I want him to kiss me there.

When the locks fall off and the clouds roll on their way I will pull him into the kitchen. Here the mood will lighten. The music fills the space, dancing and spinning, I cook and serve and play. Dish after dish of the best foods are served, his favorites, meals he’s only dreamed of, each with an outpouring of show. Smiling and laughing there is a parade that I perform, each mask and it’s purpose explained, each one removed. Gems and glitter, lights and noise, chaos and beauty, dancing about him. Drinks, food, merriment. I bring the carnival to his feet, my joy to serve him, to love him, to create magic in front of his very eyes. Here we share the heights of friendships play, the magic of children, the belief in Neverland. In the rollick of good times, I want him to kiss me there.

After all of this, after he has crossed my deserts, walked through my flames, approached my fears, read my stories, met my God, held me in the darkness, and ate at my table, then I will take him into my bedroom. He knows me completely, has kissed my every scar, has loved my every face, has stayed through every kind of trial and joy. He knows me and loves me. In my bedroom, I want to kiss him there.