This is going to be better right?

Tonight, if all goes well, will be the last night I sleep in my apartment. Moving is an emotional experience for me. One residence to another represents on situation or phase of life transitioning into another. You pack your things, sort through what you hope will be useful in the next stage, discard what you fear has been holding you back, and you put faith in what's ahead.

Mostly over the years, moving has been a kind of running. Escaping from one bad situation to another, from one rough relationship smashing onto the rocks into a tiny lifeboat with only hope as my compass, one fear forcing me through the pain and into the next, these are my experiences in the fine art of a wandering life. This time it isn't like that. Choice marks this move in ways it hasn't the past. There's no fearful fleeing. I am moving in hope. I am moving in faith.

When I say that I am moving in hope and faith I ask that you realize two things. One I take neither of these concepts lightly. Two, I mean more than the physical move, I rarely do physical things for even primarily physical reasons. So, I'm scared. It's easier to move when you have to, when you have a cliff behind you and certain doom edging towards you, take your chance with the cliff and jump. Jumping for fun? Jumping just hoping that it will be better? Crazy talk.

I don't have much luck with cliffs. There are some major ones I've crashed off in the last two years. I'm not really remembering any flying going on, a few awkward flaps of wings on the way down maybe, no real flight though. With each chance and choice we write our stories, tonight, on the eve of another cliff, the beginning of another stage in life, I put what little faith and hope I have in the dream that my someday is coming, that there really are brighter days, fuller moments, and more love, in an increasingly closer future.

Tonight I don't want to be nostalgic, I really didn't have the best of times in my first home. It meant a lot to be here, it was a safe haven and a comfort, it was everything I needed, but it wasn't full of memories of love. Tonight is about hoping that my next home will incorporate that element. And with it a purpose will grow for my life.