Understanding Values

In my previous entry I made several remarks that is the groundwork for these thoughts tonight. The book that I'm reading, in spite of what I'm sure is a severely disapproving Barnes and Noble staff, is called To Be Told. It's found in the Christian Inspiration section, and yes, I am embarrassed. That being said, my friend Jessica recommended it. Recommendations mean a lot to me. This is particularly true of those I love. Since Jess now lives on the other side of the country I see the value in finding ways to connect with her that involve ideas more than geography. Maybe that inclination isn't a recent development, maybe it's one of the staples of our relationships, maybe I'm just using distance as an excuse to read a book that embarrasses me.

Maybes and reasons aside I'm reading the book, in short because on a variety of levels it's "good for me". Anyways, last night I was beginning and between the book and some of my life choices lately I've been thinking about values. How to identify them, how to use them, how to understand them, how to change them. In general I have been pondering the function and form of my own values in hopes that I would be rewarded with a more satisfying life.

What do I value? Well, I know that I express value most frequently with how I spend my time. Time is one of the measuring rods I have always used to understand the world. Time and space. Yes, everyone uses these to an extent but in different ways. In the depths of my soul I am an American of the ol' fashion sort. "Time is money." Meaning one of the measurements of value. The amount of time I am willing to spend on something is a very acurate expression of how important it is to me. So what do i spend my time on?

A friend of mine once suggested that I measure out my time. He said I should look at what I do on paper and with the numbers in front of me to realize what my life really is. For your viewing pleasure and my own personal enlightenment this is what it looks like: Out of 168 hours a week, I spend a minimum of 36 hours a week at my office job. Second place goes to Barnes and Noble where I tend to spend the better part of my nights and weekends usually totalling up to 20ish hours a week. I sleep on average 42 hours a week. I spend probably 15 hours a week driving. That leaves me with 55 hours a week to carve out a life. 55 hours of spare time.

So what do I value? I show what I value the same way in my freetime as I do in my working life, they work exactly the same for me. I value being part of something that is a family or like it, comfort, roles to slip into and masks to wear, insulation from my own mind (a place to explore it without having to comfront demons alone), movement, goals, rules, structure, challenges that are prearranged, people. This is the world I value. This is my ideal world. It's heavily populated, immensely productive, safely growing, acting in togetherness, following steps. If the bees ever invite me to move in I'll pack a bag and be off before nightfall. This is how I build my life.

Now, are these values worth holding? Is this world a world that I should allow to tumble? Ought I seek out environments like this or is it best that I haven't been able to master the perfect instituationalized life that I seem to enjoy so much? Does letting my world go to pieces around me make me a better person? Will being alone more often, saying no to "family situations", and steping out of my traditional roles give me a better insight on values worth holding?